Una oda a la discrepancia
Junio 9, 2009 at 20:15 · Clasificados en Sin Evasión

The virulence with which many readers have responded to my post “In Whose Name?” brings into the open, with brilliant clarity, how far we Cubans are from the civilized debate and from the respect of differences. The blinding passion of some entrenchments is such that there are many who do not even judge me by what I wrote but for what they think I meant. Anyway, I must inform everyone that I feel especially happy: I love discrepancy. I always knew that this writing would be controversial, but I admit that reality has far exceeded my expectations. Proof that we are not a monochord choir encourages my hope that, at some point, we will stop being a flock, though it is also clear that for that to happen a very long time will have to elapse. I cannot overlook the important occasion either: the cyber repudiation meeting that so many of you have orchestrated for me may mark a leap in my blog’s growth, though at the same time it may reduce the number of readers. Some of you and I will be able to pass the test … which is the first but will not be the last.

And, since you offer me the feast of the debate, and I suffer from a chronic hunger for that particular dish, I will lounge in front of this little screen and start at the beginning: an introduction meant to splash cold water on the most heated and the loan of a magnifying lens for the myopic who inserted things of their own inspiration which I did not ever say in my writings. I never referred to “bloggers outside of Cuba” as the authors of the summoning notice. In fact, I am still not clear who issued the notice, which would not change my decision not to subscribe to priorities that I do not share. I am surprised that not all readers are privy to the author of the much knocked-about notice; it came to me in four different ways, three of them stemming from the Internet, and each one from a different source. Anyway, in the end, not one line of my post tried to establish a dividing mark between “inside bloggers” and “those on the outside” because I have never doubted that we are all equally Cuban bloggers. I do not place my rights above those (with or without a blog) who chose to emigrate and I have always referred to this country as the space for Cubans of all tendencies. Neither have I pondered or boasted about my work for doing it from within Cuba… I use this opportunity, by the way, to amend again a recurring error: I do not post for Cuba’s freedom, I am not a postmodern Messiah, nor do I intend to set myself up as an emancipator of people who have always been especially vocal, but have never shown the slightest desire to defend their freedom. I do not intend to sacrifice myself for “the people”, I am sorry to break the hearts of those who have assumed I was a champion of freedom, but I have publicly rejected such a fate on more than one occasion.

To those who accuse me of selfishness from a distance I would remind you that there isn’t a free nation out there where individuals do not feel free will within them. If they wish, they can take a “roll call” on the history of our Island. The number of liberators is such that, if the job were efficient, today we would not all be grappling with the longest dictatorship on this continent. If someone else is going to unsubscribe from my blog because of what they might consider a cynical statement, they can. I don’t go around indulging requests nor do I pursue the grace of acceptance. To those who state that I am known in the Internet because of them, I explain that I did not imagine that they were buying my loyalty or my blind commitment: then both of us were mistaken. There is still time to rectify.

Now then, if I did not feel sympathy and solidarity for my fellow countrymen I would not devote my time, my energy and my own selfish personal freedom to denounce the evils that afflict many Cubans more starkly than they afflict me: I condemned the imprisonment of opponents and independent journalists (though I have never been imprisoned) and the lack of freedom of expression (although I have my own blog and express whatever I feel like anywhere), with the same strength that I have narrated the poverty of many of my compatriots on the street (although I do not suffer from hunger or basic needs) or the problems of housing and transportation (though I live in my own, large, solid apartment and have private transportation). None of my angry critics supports me financially nor takes the risks I take, so it is childish to accuse me of just below traitor. It’s funny that there are even those who have challenged what they call my “personal ambitions”. But, my God! Do any of them know my ambitions? That is being pretentious indeed!

I also accept as a compliment the reference to my “high self esteem”. One really has to feel very inept to consider self-esteem as a defect. I truly have great self-esteem, therefore, I also have the ability to estimate others. I do not think of myself as God, but I have no gods either. I am not a leader nor do I follow leaders of any political hue or opinion. I prefer to share ideas rather than to follow them. Here I must clarify another misdirected critic of someone who accuses me of believing that only those in Yoani’s circle have the right to an opinion. I do not know of such a circle, as imaginary as the Artic circle and almost as cold; on a personal side, I am a friend of Yoani’s, but I will never belong to anybody’s “circle”. Anyone with a minimum of understanding of our respective content would easily determine how different Yoani’s positions and mine are; her style from mine, which does not prevent us for having mutual respect and appreciation. Those of us who frequently share our time, for example, in the Itinerary Blogger, which we have been supporting since January, are the most heterodox anyone can imagine, the only thing we have in common is the principle of not having anything in common, a phrase with which another friend, Reinaldo Escobar, coined recently our wish to remain independent. That’s why we recognize each other somewhat as road companions, because the risks we run also unite us, the reality in which we all live and –though we do not say so- many of our hopes, makes us a bloc. That which is not united cannot be divided, and maybe our strength lies precisely in that. I must knock around another point that has wounded susceptibilities: when I said, “Yoani is the most active blogger of all of us” I was referring to those who are in Cuba, not about the ones “over there”, I admit that apparently I assumed as understood something that was not.

I’m still feeling invectives from those who accuse me of “uninformed”, as if it was a crime attributed to me. Understand, my friends, that I will not apologize for that … I myself would like to have more information than I have about what happens beyond the blue waters of the Malecón, but my paltry ration of Internet is barely enough for me to download as many news and blogs as I can, and often the “freshest” information is 48 to 72 hours old (pure old news, the better informed might say). There is always something left behind, and then I go to the solidarity of other bloggers who have news I don’t have, and we interchange what each one of us has compiled. So primitive is our alternative information system. For you, Internet is a reality, for us, usually a dream that just does not materialize. But I also regret that many of you charge about the great disinformation of what happens here, in the infernal cayman, although I am pleased to see that some do know what lies between its dirty scales. And, at the risk of boring you, I will have to make certain commentaries and assessments that are closely related to the subject of this debate.

The Cuban blogosphere (and I’m referring to “the one within”, which obviously has very different characteristics from the one “outside”) has achieved relative visibility in a very short time. I have mentioned in some previous posts the transmitter role that many Cubans in exile have had in this. I should add here that we, for our part, are active distributors of our own sites, I will not tell how we do it (also for obvious reasons). I would dare say that the blogger phenomenon has the virtue to interest and to mobilize a broader sector of society than the opposition groups themselves: we have greater interactivity and dissemination, higher range -due to the characteristics of the digital format,- and a message far from partisan speeches, which overcomes the natural reluctance of those living in a closed society to join in political platforms.

Unfortunately, the relative “success” or rather, “contagion” of the alternative blogs, has raised suspicion not only in the government, which astutely recognizes the power of FREE opinion and maintains a permanent siege on us. I have been able to notice that among some dissident groups there is a kind of unease, an ill-concealed jealousy, a need to control what could be an advertising bonanza, so that certain leaders have begun to implement the old maxim of “allying” … or rather joining-in under the visible umbrella. Today, to be associated with the alternative bloggers is a guarantee for prestige, thanks to the seriousness and determination with which we have developed our work. Most of us, however, refuse to be the mouthpiece for anyone. Also, the government has tried (and tries) to infiltrate us. So far, both have failed, but we cannot declare ourselves as safe. The thing is, my friends, that in this business of dissenting, or simply call it “practicing the freedoms that are due us as a right”, we have had to sharpen the senses. At the same time we assume freedom of expression, we assume responsibility for what we say; this, which seems the most logical and simple thing in the world, in Cuba –besides being rare- could cost dearly.

Perhaps many of you will doubt it, but there have been opponents that are trying now, when we are somewhat better-known, to set the pace: post on our blogs what we must say, as if it were a mural at a CDR. Those same leaders suggest, -without very clear intentions- that bloggers “have resources at our disposal”, we are “privileged, with access to the Internet” (?) and must make it available to “those who have no voice”. This, besides distorting reality, tends to reinforce the official line that brands us as mercenaries in the service of the empire. As for myself, I work with my own resources and sometimes with cards that friends have given me in solidarity, and this is the case with almost all the bloggers known to me, at least as far as I know, I am not going to ask anyone where they get the resources to go on the Internet or how they manage to do the job. For the information of the most incisive readers, some of the friends that “ran up to me to have me sign the notice” (a phrase that I don’t know why has provoked a certain itchy rash), had “found out” from some members of the opposition parties that “a group of Cuban bloggers” (from within, I clarify) had drafted the document on behalf of all. Others attributed its authorship to Yoani. And yes, it is true that to some of us it smelled fishy. For those of us who live in this semi-clandestine-strange-unlawful civil disobedience or whatever you call it, it is very important to know not for only for whom the bell tolls-we have bent over backwards to make it ring without having been summoned by anyone- but from what belfry it is ringing. Suspicion is the recourse of those of us who live exposed. It is necessary to feel the pressure of the authorities on us, the feeling of being watched, subjected to overt or covert harassment, fearful of falling under the still heavy weight of the repressors, to then believe themselves with the moral authority to reprimand those who just want to be protected. I could mention many other reasons for not subscribing to any callings, but right now, I must be discreet and not provide ammunition to those who want to spray us.

I’m not seeking leadership, nor did I refer by that comment to any bloggers in the rueful exile. I will not apologize for a fault that I did not commit. I maintain the view that NOBODY has the capability to proclaim a supposed right to demand ANYTHING “on behalf of the Cuban people”, this is directed at those to whom that prerogative is attributed, but who, paradoxically, accuse me of being pretentious. There is also the other extreme: those who sign all the lists with the same cheerful ease, from the Constitution to the lottery, from an autograph to euthanasia. I truly believe that a signature is not simply an exercise against osteoarthritis, but a very serious commitment. As for those who do not understand my refusal to cooperate with my signature “at the end of dictatorship” and have even reproached me for “not signing for changes on the island,” I answer: pitiful are those who think that Cuba’s freedom is won simply for the purpose of the dictatorship of the Castros, pitiable are those who think that shouting in unison means being united! They forget that the departure of Fulgencio Batista did not return us to democracy, on the contrary, it curtailed the freedoms that he did not get to remove, while at a choir of “united” Cubans in April 1961 another one of those opportunistic leaders proclaimed the socialist character of a revolution that a few months before he had defined as “green as the palm trees.” Swiftness has always been the Cubans’ option to make decisions; the high price has been painful for all. In any case, the view that “each one of us is still on his own, DOING NOTHING” is absolutely unfair. It is a judgment, say, a bit strong, do not you think?

Some readers have taken my strong dissent from ALL the choirs so much to heart that it would seem that the fate of Cuba could be decided with a signature, more or less. The same must be believed by the many collectors of signatures from all parties, including the ruling CCP, which abound in these parts. They seem to assume that under a totalitarian government such a thing would have meaning or change something. To dispel the mirage we have the example of the Varela Project with its thousands of signatures and the official response, Eternal Socialism, signed by millions of Cubans. Neither meant any change to the Cubans inside or outside, except, of course, to those who are imprisoned for daring to sign up for the first. I take this opportunity to note that I did not sign either, though, back then, I was still a paid government employee.

But a signature is not a trivial matter. Certainly, our so thoroughly discussed headline today could become ammunition for the guardians of the farm to brandish in order to put us away. You undoubtedly would run to sign another call to assembly, this time for our freedom. Forgive me if I doubt that the list (which my unbounded vanity imagines would be very long) could be used to open the jail gates, because you and I know that solidarity, though essential, has limited powers. So excuse my practical sense, but I also decide the limits of my risks. I write (I do not subscribe) my total acknowledgement of ANYONE’S freedom to post whatever he or she decides in their blog, I have never questioned such a thing. My point was (is) to criticize the misled exercise to speak on behalf of others. That was it. We can continue to debate if you so wish, but perhaps it’s only a question of positions. For my part, I do not think I disrespected anyone, if anyone felt offended by this reply and my biting style, I apologize and remind them that they have enjoyed what some call my “sarcasm”. Nothing is further from my intentions than to offend or hurt someone.

One last detail, by way of postscript: the criteria I discuss here are my absolute authorship and responsibility I speak in my own, individual name, I hope someone does not assume that I do it on behalf of “the Island’s bloggers” or of a particular “circle” of them. To those who criticize my lack of humility: the biggest proof of my self-recognized smallness consists, precisely, in not believing that I am able to represent anyone.